Deliverance

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12

December 1, 2010 will be a day that our family remembers and celebrates. It was on that day that the Lord delivered me from some of my deepest and darkest fears.

During the summer of 2010 my anxiety jumped to a whole new level. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was different this time. The fear set in slowly but by the end of the summer it was crippling. In my mind an overwhelming fear of death took over and made every day tasks almost impossible.

I became afraid to do almost anything. I used all the techniques I had learned in counseling to do things over and over again to retrain my mind that I was not going to die, but for some reason they did not work this time. I went back on medication for my anxiety and that did not seem to help either. I begged and pleaded for God to deliver me from these circumstances.

Physically the anxiety was taking a toll on my body. I found it hard to eat and when I did I faced horrible indigestion. My body felt weighted down and I found myself grabbing onto furniture to take simple steps. But somehow through all of this the Lord granted me strength to get through each day.

The anxiety was at it worst when I was at church or any place I could be fed spiritually. But despite all the fear I faced, my relationship with Christ was stronger than ever. I found myself depending on Him minute by minute to make it through each day.

During this time the Lord began to make me aware of the spiritual warfare we face daily. Growing up, this was something I heard little about. But the Lord began to bring people into my life who had dealt with as well as teachers who taught on the subject. It was as if He was showing me that the struggle I was facing was not something I could win on my own. I desperately needed His weapons to fight this battle.

On December 1, 2010 a dear friend of ours came over to our home to pray over me. This friend had helped many others that I know who had been in similar situations. It was during that prayer time that God delivered me from the fear of death that had been overwhelming me. The prayer time was filled with God's presence and was one of the most peaceful experiences I have ever had.

During the hard times God showed me Hebrews 2:14-15 Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil--and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. It was that verse that reminded me that Christ had already won the battle over evil on the cross. And in the end, Christ has the victory.

So as I look back over the past year and reflect on this journey, there are so many things that fill my mind. Yes, I still experience fear and anxiety at times, but I am no longer crippled by it. I know God's word is true and I know I can trust Him. I no longer am afraid of what others might think if I share this journey. I want to be obedient and share what God has done in my life. I want to show how He can take a broken mess and use it to help others. The journey has been hard, but I wouldn't trade it, through it I have experienced God's grace and love, but most of all His deliverance.